“Dear Mr. Japan…”: Trump’s Tariff Letter Threat Writing Campaign Is Copy-And-Paste Comedy For The Ages

14 Countries. 1 Copy-Paste letter. 34 grammatical errors. Zero Deals.

July 7, 2025

Donald Trump has officially replaced foreign policy with Microsoft Word mail merge. In what can only be described as a desperate, last-ditch, performative shakedown, the former president—now full-time hat model, part-time dictator cosplayer—has sent nearly identical do-or-die tariff ultimatum letters to 14 countries, including key allies like Japan and South Korea… and also Tunisia, because apparently that olive oil cartel was getting a little too uppity.

These letters are so weird, so amateurish, so grammatically disastrous, it’s hard to believe they were printed on White House letterhead and not stolen from a 9th-grade Model UN simulation gone wrong.

And yet, here we are. And the Grammar!! OH, The Grammar!

“Dear Mr. President…” (Copy/Paste → Replace All → Print)

The letters all begin with an over-the-top “It is a Great Honor” flourish and quickly spiral into a Great Embarrassment. Trump tells each leader—regardless of country size, GDP, or reality—that the U.S. has “agreed to continue working with [Your Great Country]” despite the “very significant Trade Deficit” America suffers at their tyrannical hands.

Then, like a Mafia boss pretending to be your friend while eyeing your kneecaps, he offers them an incredible deal:
Pay a 25%–40% blanket tariff on everything you export to the U.S. or face even worse.

Oh, and if you dare raise tariffs in response? We’ll just add that amount on top.
Because math, I guess.

Trump even includes this doozy:

“These Tariffs may be modified, upward or downward, depending on our relationship with your Country.”

In other words: Nice economy you got there. Be a shame if something happened to it.

“AutoCorrect with Intent to Extort”

These letters weren’t just threatening. They were lazy. Like, Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V, forget to change the gender of a head of state lazy.

Bosnia’s (female) president? Addressed as “Mr. President.”
Tunisia? Got the same letter as Japan, just with the nouns swapped out and fewer vowels.

The grammar is janky. The tone swings between mob boss and middle school debate captain. The capitalization? Absolutely unhinged. Sample words that got the full MAGA caps-lock treatment:
TRADE, Economy, National Security, and inexplicably… Country.

It’s hard not to laugh. Or cry. Or both.

Japan: “Sad and Betrayed” — and Not Taking Trump’s Rice

Japan, America’s literal strategic partner in Asia and major buyer of our soybeans, got smacked with a 25% “only” tariff (his word, not mine). In exchange, Trump demanded they surrender their sacred rice market, open “non-tariff” sectors, and basically thank him for the privilege.

Tokyo’s reaction? Quiet fury.
Japanese officials said they’d continue talking (read: scrambling to stall), while insiders called the letter “juvenile,” “humiliating,” and “a betrayal of decades of alliance.”

Even Japanese business leaders chimed in. “To give more would just weaken our economy to a dangerous point.”

Translation: Go rice yourself, Don.

South Korea: Cool-Headed. Totally Pissed.

Seoul got the same form letter, just with a different greeting and a fresh 25% tax threat. Never mind that South Korea already signed a revised free trade deal with Trump back in 2018. That was “the best deal ever” back then. Now, apparently, it’s a national security threat.

Rather than flip out, Korea’s Ministry of Industry issued a very diplomatic:

“We will step up negotiations… to reach a mutually beneficial result.”

Which is Korean for:

“This is bullshit, but we’ll hold our noses for 23 more days.”

Because yes—Trump gave them all a deadline: August 1, 2025, or the tariffs kick in.

Tunisia: Public Enemy Number 1!!!

Ah, yes, the grave threat that is Tunisia.

Ron Filipkowski nailed it:

“It’s about time we taught our mortal enemy Tunisia a lesson.”

Trump imposed the same 25% tariff on them as on the rest, despite Tunisia’s main exports to the U.S. being olive oil and handwoven rugs. Sources say the entire Tunisian government stared at the letter, turned to each other, and said, “Is this a joke?”

Short answer: yes. Long answer: dangerously so.

The “90 Deals in 90 Days” That Became 14 Bad Emails

Remember when Trump promised 90 trade deals in 90 days?

As of July 7, he’s 88 short. So instead of admitting failure, the White House opted to send out what one diplomat called “a ransom note with White House letterhead.”

A few countries, like the UK and Vietnam, got shaky handshake “deals.” Most others were ghosting Trump. So now, his strategy is literally:

1. Send a letter.

2. Demand tribute.

3. Hope for headlines.

Spoiler: what he’ll get instead are lawsuits, retaliatory tariffs, and an international reputation for being the Karen of geopolitics.

Expert Analysis: This Is Insane

Foreign policy professionals are not amused.

One trade official said,

“It has the hallmarks of sheer capriciousness.”

Economists are warning of consumer price spikes, inflation bombs, and supply chain chaos if these tariffs go through.

And even Trump’s own Treasury Secretary couldn’t defend the move. In an interview, he sheepishly admitted:

“Many of these countries never even contacted us.”

That’s right.
This whole stunt? A giant political rage email chain sent to people who weren’t even talking to him. It’s a Hail Mary from the DUMBEST man to ever occupy the Oval office. Painted into a corner by his own extreme stupidity.

Just take it from Trump trade aid/convicted felon/fake economist Peter Navarro, who basically said that while trying to defend Trump’s forced copy and paste “PLEASE CUT A DEAL WITH ME OR ELSE” letter campaign.

What Happens Now?

• Japan & Korea are still negotiating, praying this was just a tantrum.

• Tunisia is looking for the “unsubscribe” button.

• BRICS nations are laughing all the way to Beijing.

• American consumers? About to pay 25–40% more for everything from Hondas to hairdryers.

Because let’s be clear: tariffs are taxes on YOU.
They don’t hurt foreign countries. They hurt your wallet.

But please, enjoy the show.