The Griftfather Rides Again: While Americans Get Ready To Lose Medicaid, Food Assistance Programs, Trump Launches Two New Fragrances - For Men AND Women

From steak flops to Victory cologne, Trump and his family have turned American politics into a global vending machine

Welcome to the Trump Inc. Presidency. The Remix.

When Donald J. Trump isn't busy turning America into an authoritarian state, stealing Medicaid to pay for tax cuts for his friends, building concentration camps in the Florida Everglades for immigrants and political enemies, he’s doing what he does best: selling stuff. A lot of stuff. Crypto-Stuff. Executive Friendship-Stuff. Pardon-Stuff. NFT stuff. Bible-stuff. MAGA-Mobile phone-stuff. And now, Cologne stuff.

Since his first term, his departure from office, and subsequent return, Trump has transformed his presidency into a checkout aisle stocked with everything from blood-spattered sneakers to digital trading cards depicting himself as a superhero. This isn’t a political comeback. It’s a brand expansion.

Let’s take a deep sniff of Trump’s latest fragrance-flavored side hustle, crack open the history of his failed product empire, and do what he never will: follow the money.

1. Victory 47: Because "Smell Like a Dictator" Was Taken

Trump’s newest campaign-season product is a cologne called "Victory 47" (get it? He wants to be the 47th president). It’s $199 a bottle, topped with a Trump-head-shaped gold cap. Marketed as a scent for "movers, shakers, and history makers," it smells mostly like grift and ambition. And it’s working.

Estimated earnings from fragrance lines: ~$2.5M (combined with his MAGA sneaker line).

Not his first foray into olfactory nationalism, Trump previously hawked "Success by Trump" and "Empire," which Macy’s dropped after he insulted Mexicans. The bottles aged better than the branding.

2. Trump Mobile Phones: Now with 50% More Patriotism

Flashback: Trump once starred in infomercials for ACN, a shady MLM peddling video phones. He collected $8.8 million for the endorsement, lured countless people into a pyramid scheme, and later distanced himself when lawsuits rolled in.

Fast-forward: He’s now reportedly looking into launching MAGA-branded smartphones. No, really. Rumors of a Trump Mobile complete with gold cases, unlimited Truth Social, and minimal tech specs have swirled since 2024

Estimated ACN earnings: $8.8M

Potential future earnings from Trump Phones: TBD (likely 7-figure licensing if launched). But don’t worry - Trump Mobile lets you bring your own phone.

3. The Holy Grift: Bibles, Sneakers, and NFT Jesus

God Bless the USA Bible: Trump’s $59.99 Bible (with Lee Greenwood lyrics and the Constitution glued inside) earned him $1.3M. It sold well during Easter, because nothing says resurrection like merch.

MAGA Sneakers: Trump-branded kicks that retail up to $499. "Fight, Fight, Fight" was released post-assassination attempt. Some sold out. Others got laughed off SneakerCon.

NFTs: Trump Digital Trading Cards sold at $99 each. Depictions include Trump as a cowboy, astronaut, and laser-eyed warrior. Both drops sold out. Total NFT earnings? Around $7.2M.

Books: "Our Journey Together" and "Letters to Trump" brought in millions. The coffee table propaganda book alone grossed $20M.

Estimated total merch earnings since 2021: $15M - $20M+

4. Failed Trump Products: A Brief (and Hilarious) History

Trump Steaks: Sold via Sharper Image. Sizzled out in 2 months.

Trump Vodka: "Success distilled." Discontinued in 2011.

Trump University: Fraudulent real estate seminars. $25M lawsuit settlement.

Trump Mortgage: Launched at the peak of the housing crisis. Lasted a year.

GoTrump.com: A travel site nobody needed.

Tour de Trump: Yes, a bike race. It died faster than his casino empire.

Trump Water: I know, I know

These weren’t just business flops. They were case studies in Con man branding over substance.

5. The Trump Family Brand: Grift is a Group Project

Ivanka: Shut down her fashion line after criticism, but snagged dozens of Chinese trademarks while in office. Household income with Jared in 2017 alone? $82M.

Don Jr. & Eric: Selling hunting merch, reviving hotel deals, hiking prices when Dad visits.

Jared Kushner: Secured a $2B investment from the Saudi sovereign wealth fund after leaving the White House.

Estimated family profits (non-real estate): Billions. Easily.

6. Real Money: Hotels, Golf, and Foreign Cash

Sold DC hotel lease for $375M (likely $100M+ profit).

LIV Golf events bring millions in Saudi-backed site fees.

New overseas deals in Oman, Qatar, Vietnam.

Over $160M received from foreign governments during Trump’s presidency.

Estimated real estate/hotel/foreign profits since 2016: $300M+ (and counting)

Everything Is for Sale

Trump isn’t running a country. He’s running a catalogue. Whether it’s sneakers, NFTs, Bible bundles, or patriot phones, Trump has transformed politics into a family vending machine. The border between political movement and multi-level marketing has never been blurrier.

Call it capitalism. Call it a cult. Just don’t call it a coincidence. And as always, the biggest winner in Trump’s America... is Trump.

He’s not interested in doing the job of President. He’s interested in monetizing it while stealing from the very people he swore an oath to protect.