Trump CAVES: Orders 90 Day Pause on All Tariffs While Increasing China's Tariff Rate to 125%

He's literally insane

Trump’s Tariff Tantrum Ends in a Predictable Faceplant

April 9, 2025

Well, folks, it took seven days, a $10 trillion market bloodbath, and a chorus of panicked Wall Street suits for Donald Trump to figure out what the rest of us already knew: his big, brash tariff plan was a flaming dumpster fire from the jump. In a move that reeks of desperation and half-baked damage control, the former reality TV star turned economic genius has slammed the brakes on his “reciprocal tariff” scheme, announcing a 90-day pause that caps most of the levies at a measly 10%. Oh, except for China—those poor bastards are getting slapped with a 125% tariff hike, because apparently Trump thinks Beijing’s the only one who didn’t call his bluff.

JFC. I guess he’s officially a PANICAN.

Let’s rewind the tape. A week ago, this guy was strutting around like he’d just invented trade policy, promising to strong-arm the world into submission with his genius-level dealmaking. Canada, the EU, and anyone else who dared to exist outside the MAGA bubble were gonna bend the knee or pay the price. Fast forward to today, and the Dow’s down 2,000 points, tech stocks are in the toilet, and the only thing bending is Trump’s spine—right under the weight of a market meltdown he lit the match for. Ten trillion bucks in losses later, he’s waving a white flag so fast you’d think he’s auditioning for the French army.

The kicker? Canada and the EU aren’t even pretending to play nice. They’ve got no plans to ease up on their retaliatory tariffs, and why would they? Trump just proved he’ll fold like a cheap lawn chair the second the heat’s on. Meanwhile, China’s not exactly sweating that 125% tariff spike—Beijing’s already gearing up to escalate this trade war into something that’ll make Trump’s head spin faster than a tax audit. Good luck selling that “winning” narrative to the red-hat brigade when iPhone prices double and the shelves at Walmart start looking like a Soviet grocery store.

This isn’t a policy pivot; it’s a full-on retreat. He lost, and he's pretending he didn’t and taking credit for it. Word is, Trump’s top economic advisers—those few who haven’t jumped ship yet—were begging him to pull the plug, while GOP donors whispered sweet nothings about electoral doom in his ear. The guy who campaigned on never backing down just caved to every voice in the room, from Bay Street to Brussels to his own party’s check-writers. And for what? To keep pretending he’s got China on the ropes while the rest of the world laughs and counts their winnings?

Classic Trump: Lie. Make a terrible decision based on those lies. Pretend everything is great, then reverse course and take credit.

The 90-day “pause” is just a fancy way of saying they’ve got no clue what’s next. Trump’s team is kicking the can down the road, hoping the markets calm down and the faithful don’t notice he’s flailing. But let’s not kid ourselves—this isn’t leadership. It’s the economic equivalent of a toddler throwing a tantrum, breaking all his toys, then crying when nobody claps. And the diehards who thought this tariff circus would “make America great”? They’re still cheering for a guy who just turned a trade war into a surrender—and made us all poorer in the process. Bravo, champ. Really stuck the landing on that one.

What a fucking moron.

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